sheesh. one moment the links in the outside world are up, another they are down
it's so frustrating. especially for a html goon like me.
but so far i hope i'm doing all the right stuff.. kinda playing by ear. it's actually very interesting, making the computer work for you..
moving on to graphics and sounds and other fUn stuffels nxt..
i might just turn into this online html addict very soon. oh wait, i think i am one already. just look..at this ungodly hour and still glued to the computer figuring what is what.
all weariness and boredom vanishing into thin air with the codes and such to keep me company.
he asked whether i feel lonelY..
well, i try not too... not even to think about it.. it's just that i am too out of that mentality to feel lonely and yet i know that somehow somewhere deep inside
i am.
i'm just too busy scurrying about to feel it.
but i feel this compelling need to find myself first. to understand who i am, to build this realtionship with me. how else would i know what i can offer to people around me?
causing confusion as always, even more so with two blogs. it seems weird really, dabbling in blogspot and all. like i don't belong somehow.
but as with life, to venture out of your comfort zone is to explore new unknown wonders and ultimately a challenge to bring out the best in you.
what i plan to achieve in the short run is to open myself up to others. i've found myself a friend, very similar to me. in characteristics i suppose. we have a problem of holing ourselves, not daring? not willing? more of not knowing how to share with others around us.
therefore, acquaintainces we have aplently..what we lack is one true friend/s.
so our challenge is to maintain this friendship and work towards that for the long run.
i pushed many away. just by flitting away...like a butterfly, beautiful but elusive. not saying that by any chance i'm beautiful.. just using the personification of a butterfly to illustrate my point.
it's my biggest regret in life.
and damn well, i'm going to do my upmost to change that.
i'm not going to remain this loser for eternity. no way. nEVER.
p.s it seems like this sorta eMo entries ought to be kept over at lJ. but wells, it sorta erm crept out? hee..*giggLes*
tInkerdOll
Friday, December 19, 2003
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