2004
hAPPy nEw yEAr ! ! !
hey hey... welcome to the new year, as everyone else appears to be partying the year away..i'm actually sitting in front of the computer typing out this greeting for all my dearest friends to read as they nurse their hangovers. hah.
that's something i can laugh at...
somehow or other, i don't find the joy in celebrating such occassions, may it be the tradition of NOT making it a big deal or simply because i don't get asked out. sometimes because no one remembers, others because everyone assumes that i'll be busy or simply by some bad stroke of luck and/or timing.
this year, i think all three scenarios occured...
thus i spent it at my dad's centre...initially i was pretty low. like what kinda life is this? spending a partyiable day at such a cuckoo place like a bowling centre...bowling the year away... not to mention the crowd at the place. i must say the average age must be like 45? that's near half a century manz. wells.. not taking into consideration the younger generation probably 10 of them..their total age would probably
be 45...hjaha..
but wells.. putting that lowness behind me. i decided to just bOwl and have my own fun. afterall, family's what most important right. and those older men..they're really nice people, cheering me on, joking around with me and most importantly they actually noticed my presence.. they accepted me for who i was...in their own way...
these people are too out to have a good time...and soon it was easy to catch that infectious spirit and start laughing away.
hence i ended up having a good time.. bowling, joking around with those half a century year old gUys and playing peekaboo with the lil ones.
all too soon, the time came for me to depart and embark on my journey home as my parents were tired.
and so. here i am typing the year in. heh.
spending some quiet time with myself reflecting on all that has happened. the friends i've made, the friends i've lost...and the friends i have...
actually i don't believe that you can lose a friend just like that. contact probably...but once that friendship is made, it's like a lifetime contract that is foolproof and for keeps. they'll come in and out of your life...what we can do is treasure those moments where we get to hold them close...
it seems pretty unbelievable. but i'm coming to terms with me being a loner. there are realms in me that might never be breached..
if i seem distant and cold for some point or another. i do sincerely apologize. it is not done intentionally or out of spite...but simply because i know not how to open this door and spill it all for all to see..
that's something i'm working on right now. it's a continous process that would take an indefinite time.
that's maybe why only change is constant.
one day, i hope to find a friend, a soulmate, a confidante whom i am bare my heart and soul to. no barriers withheld. and i won't be judged because of what i reveal, accepted for who i am. not made to feel less or insignificant. loved and treasured. but till that day, secrets i keep inside..only leaking upon occassion to grace this page.
afterall, this is me. my lifestory. it is my world within....a whirl of thoughts...beneath the facade and masks unveiled.
but please take all you read with a pinch of salt. after all, there are different sides to a person. and do not judge me solely on what you read here.
now i reach my
new year resolutions..[not in any order whatsoever]
-maintain relationships with my friends-
-determination-
-put in my best in all that i do-
-think before i leap-
-don't put myself down-
-accept critisms and compliments graciously-
-to not be proud-
-to love-
-to laugh-
-to mature and gain experience-
-to spend quality time with family-
-to update more frequently-
-to gain wisdom-
-find my voice-
-to understand-
-to accept-
-to conquer fear-
-to have a great year-
tInkerdOll
Thursday, January 01, 2004
---++---
