the turbulence of the past events is enough to send shivers down my back for an entire year. but i believe in the saying that your burdens in life are 'custom made'. not something you will find too heavy to carry and yet enough for you to experience life as it is.

for what is joy without sorrow.

the greatest hurdle has been crossed, and i thank all who have offered their concerns. it is truly appreciated, all those heartfelt wishes helped me garner the strength needed to stand strong.

for the clueless, this was what happened.

thursday seemed like any other day with strategic marketing lesson, it meant i had to get my work together for the teacher to view. after scrapping through a couple hours of sleep, i awoke as the sun rose to continue badgering the computer.

throughout the entire morning, there was this nagging concern towards my grandma. having had diarrhoea for the past day, she had raised doubts as to whether there was the presence of blood. having spent a good part of the morning in the toilet, the house too stank of a stench that threatened to draw vomit.

queries on her wellbeing was met with a weak i'm not feeling fine. that coupled with a pale and weary being made us sick with worry. (but the crucial part we missed out was the blood that had been lost.) thinking it was a really bad stomach upset, we gave her some medication to ease the pain..

and the day continued on with its usual rush.

-------- fast forward to the evening.

now it was fast approaching an era where time seemed to whiz into a blur and my heart a stand still.

it happened after bowling trg. dad suddenly rushed off from dinner without a reason only for me to find out in horror that my grandma had collapsed at home. (uncle was with her, thank goodness he was, through my mum's acute sixth sense or through the grace of God. it was really a wild stroke of luck)

a call to my dad confirmed the worst with a brief description of the mess the house was in...

reeling in shock, i made my way impatiently down to the hospital dragging my bowling bag. (thinking back, it must have made quite a scene at the A&E) through sheer will i forced back my tears as i whirled through prayers.

at first sight, i was taken aback by the entirety of the situation. the picture of my robust grandmother lying limp in bed was simply a sight too much to handle. it didn't help that when i approached the monitor started giving off this awful monotone beep. (watched one er drama too many) my nerves were but temporary calmed at her evident breathing.

whispered for her to be strong and gave her my love.

tears rolled as i walked out. the thin walls of strength torn and crashed even more so when my parents offered consolations. (funny how, comfort when you are down seems to tear you further apart, it's like your soul grasping for something to cling on to. such that any hint of strength would send you crumbling)

proceeded to a normal ward where the doc made a couple of enquiries. next thing she was in icu with a haemoglobin count of 5 as opposed to a normal 12(for the avg human).

and thus we were dragged back home. ..evidently to rest. but it was a dreamless night

friday. rushed down after school to find her undergoing a scope(tube to the stomach). found her to be worn out but alert after. engaging in chit chat and minor desccriptions of her encounter. at this point, they were transfusing 4 bags of blood.

apparently, the results of the scope had turned out to be negative. and thus the cause remained a mystery. through this, she was constantly purging and by now it was all blood.

the number of tubes were alarming and horrifying to say the least.

another scope was scheduled for saturday but upon review, brought forward to 8pm.

checks were done again but the blood level had barely increased to 7.8 . doc ordered another 4 bags of blood postponing the scope to 10pm.

and with this, commenced the worst few hours of my life.

at about 7, my grandma began to lose her alertness and conscious as moans of pain wafted out. this combined with the numerous foreign beeping tones from the other wards, an eerie air of death was lurking. tear streaked faces roamed the walkways and the fact that many were comatose and in critical condition did not help to allay my fears.

without warning, an incessant beeping indicated a continuous drop in her blood pressure as the moans intensified. my heart caught and started in fright, tears threatening their descent. the nurses charged in and began their rescue attempts, each snippet of their conversation causing more distress.

an emergency call was made to the doc and me to my folks(gone home to settle some stuff, only uncle and me left). scope(tube through anus to intestines) was brought forward to 8.30pm.

impatient prancings at the waiting area, comfort calls made, ice cream ate. finally the nurse pokes her head out of the door gesturing for uncle and auntie to enter. hands clasped in prayer, i bowed my head bracing myself for what the news might be.

aunt emerges with news that the source has been found and an immediate surgery was to ensue. flood of relief tinged with new fear.

the surgery has a high risk especially for her taking into consideration her age and medical(stroke, diabetic) history. but this was the only way to go...any other delay would certainly lead to death.

tenderly, the family(all reached in time, except for bro who was otherwise occupied at novena) wished upon her our strength and love. praying in one heart that together we would help her pull through this adversity.

the waiting game commenced yet again. after half an hour of persistent waiting, we decided that it would be better for us to fill our tummies and complete the chores.

at 1am, i was stranded home, made to rest for my impending competition on sat. nerve of wrecks, praying and wishing and hoping, the silence deafening, adrenaline consuming.

a shrill call broke through the silence as i gingerly answered the phone. waves of relief washed over me as the news of a successful operation was related. a smile plastered across my face accompanied by fervent praise and thankyous.

the greatest hurdle has been crossed.

to date. my granny is very fine thank you. she can sit upright, walk with aid, eat porridge and most importantly!! gossip with me!

i love her so very much.

even more so after this ordeal.