Solitary wanderer.
My friend, Yasin once asked me whether working at Estivo created opportunities allowing me to think. To mule over the facts of life, discover the ideals that you support and ultimately have a conversation with yourself.
Initially, I responded with a negative as I normally surfed the internet or indulged in my reading. However, now upon deeper reflection, I realised that, yes, I do think a lot during my shift.
I am given sufficient time to mull over my thoughts and reach a decision as to how I actually feel towards various and specific issues. This plays an important role in the development of character and personal opinion.
I am not very much of an independent person in the sense of being able to just go around roaming the streets, shopping, eating or catching a movie by myself. I somehow feel a sense of insecurity doing these things without a companion, someone to share my ideas over random thoughts that pop up. The fact that I also find people who eat alone looking quite pitiful does not help to strengthen my resolve in wandering around solo.
And yet, this is another barrier that I need to overcome. It is similar to the moral that movies like to emphasize on, your greatest enemy is yourself. Very true, indeed. Of all the secrets you have, how many can you actually hide from yourself?
With this battle insight, I have on occasion wandered the streets alone to overcome the fear and pardon this cliché, to be comfortable in my own skin. Initially, it was a little too overwhelming, which led to a bit of self talk that proved to be a tad embarrassing when others overheard.
But gradually, after several attempts, I found the experience to be pretty liberating, to make decisions without needing to consult with another, to not feel apologetic for wanting to linger in certain sections that might prove to be a bore otherwise.
It was just what I needed. A little time to rewind and just be me. No pretense or the need to please.
It seems like work does have a good side.
Although, I would not give up hanging out with people any time, just that now, whenever I feel like I’m being squashed to a corner and the struggle to be me is increasingly difficult, I can always have a day all to myself.
To rewind, relax and just be.
tInkerdOll
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
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