Alright! In about 5 hours i'll be headed to the airport for my mini birthday vacation/ independence trip/ romantic getaway. I felt that today would be a good time to break my writing drought and reflect on my life like most people do.
I can't help but feel the pinch as I witness the increase in numbers of my age. It feels like my youth is slowly but surely leaking away from me into the past, forever out of reach. I remember the days when I anticipated the arrival of the twenties, willing it to arrive almost immediately....until, it actually did.
I had fantasied a world of immense freedom and change, where I would cross over the threshold and become an adult. Oh how I loved the sound of that. Young adult. Independent and raring to go. Boundless energy with great ambitions.
But then, even as the clock ticked past midnight, I sat and felt exactly the same way as 11.59. I was disappointed to say the least. My false hopes dashed and numbed my excitement. I was now a young adult who was just as clueless about life as when I was a heady teenager. Except now, I did not have youth to hide my indecisiveness.
Where were my ambitions, my burning passion for life, to make a difference in the world. To become someone significant, someone who would be remembered in the history books.
I was overcome with a fear, the fear of falling into place, conforming and just accepting my place. A tool in the well oiled mechanisms of society.
And I have realised that with freedom and independence, comes a responsibility, a risky adventure where every action must be carefully thought out...
Anyway, my point is, I feel age creeping up onto me, even though I do not feel any different from when i was 19. The truth is I am already 23 and it's really freaking me out!!!
I might just have to wait till 30 before I find myself!
I guess...Happy Birthdays are in order.
HAPPY 23RD (19TH) BIRTHDAY
On a sidenote...I'm really excited about my trip! Haha...so suaku!
tInkerdOll
Friday, July 20, 2007
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